Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
