So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
