What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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