he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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