I smell stomach acid.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
