This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
