Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
