There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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