it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
