I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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