I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
