sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
