I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
