I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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