Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
