we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
