my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
