my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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