he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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