I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
