In America we eat man semen.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
