Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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