meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she smelled like a LAN party
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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