the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
