Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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