I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize