Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
