We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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