what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just invented taco cereal.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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