guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
