I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
