My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
