He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
