She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
