What did we do last night that was yellow?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
