R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
