Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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