Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You work out of a Hotel?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
