Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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