I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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