True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
