My sheets look like a crime scene.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
