Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
