no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
