after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
