If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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