She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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