Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
