My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
