apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
