I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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