Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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