great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
