remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
