We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
