Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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