That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize