You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
