Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
and she was petting her beer can
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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