ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
