It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize