tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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