beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
