There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
