There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize