Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
