Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
