I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I party with great urgency now.
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