Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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