They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
