I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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