I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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