My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
