I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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