I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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