First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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